previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Stop yelling.
I'm drawing attention to the man peeing into the hot wind.
The figure turns and looks over his shoulder and he has this unnerving smile on his face.
The Russell special.
Hi.
I didn't know. Sometimes there's good people who come down here and they're like,
I'm a goody goody two shoes. I don't want to hurt anybody or carry soul coins.
Oh, you see, we are good people, but we can kill as many people as we want in order to
further our goodness.
To save the world.
I mean, we're trying to save the world here.
So we kind of have to like do some stuff to make it happen.
Got to break a couple eggs.
I like you.
I like you all.
Come with me.
Race me down the hill and he tears off down the hill towards the
war machines down at the bottom.
Oh my God, I'm not running down this hill, you guys.
It's OK. You can ride on the back of my steed that I'm going to summon.
Oh, no, it's a casting time of 10 minutes.
We get to the bottom, your steed arrives.
Wait up. I'm coming.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More.
He, him also with me today is Carla Backstead.
I knew you were going to pick me because I wasn't really ready.
She, her playing Lipsinki, Pip Diggins, also she, her.
And Amy More.
Second again.
Always a bridesmaid.
She, her playing.
And one time a bride.
There was that one time.
It was pretty.
I thought it was pretty good.
Shut up, you guys.
I'm trying to do my intro.
Sorry, who do you play?
I play Thea Massaccia, she, her and Night Hunter, she, they.
And Tom Laird.
Hey, that's me, he, him and I am playing Flint who also goes by he, him.
And Kyle Claset.
Hey, yo, hey, him and I'm going to be playing Voronox, also he, him.
Kyle's here and it's really exciting, even though is he a regular cast member?
Maybe we tried to make him come to the gook egg.
There's only one place you can find out if I'm a regular cast member.
Russ, where is that?
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, where Kyle pops up in all the things,
like Dumbgeons downtime.
He was in a, he was in an interlude.
For an episode he wasn't even in.
For an episode he wasn't even a part of.
I did that.
Had a different guest star entirely.
We might time those things to line up, but no, we don't.
Because that's how we roll here.
Who's on the call?
What do we need for tomorrow?
Ah, but when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, Maggie.
Thanks, Maggie.
Oh, Maggie.
Dame Maggie Smith.
Wow.
I never thought that she'd be a patron for our podcast.
Amazing.
And I was going to be singing some Rod Stewart.
Oh, also great.
Oh, yeah.
Also a good choice.
Some Bob Dylan.
Oh, so many famous Maggie's are patrons of ours.
You're our favorite.
But you are our favorite.
100%.
Try it in true.
Thanks, Maggie.
Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Just like Maggie.
All the Maggie's.
But this one specifically.
And now, fuck it.
Let's play.
You've just hurled yourself down the brambling bony hill.
Down towards Smiler as he is tearing down on his war machine.
Towards the unsuspecting victims of your upcoming Grand Theft Auto.
You land down at the bottom.
I think that was seven.
Maybe.
We'll see.
And you find yourselves in these skeletal bushes down off the side of the road.
Quote unquote.
As Smiler tears out into the center to flag down this oncoming envoy.
Which is of one.
Which one did you want?
The Demon Grinder?
Yeah.
One Demon Grinder.
This huge war machine with these massive bony jawed teeth that come off the front of it.
You can see that there is a huge cab and these razor sharp wheels.
Three sets of them all along it.
Hanging off the back is this pivoting swinging wrecking ball.
Alongside them are three that appear very similar to the one that Smiler is riding.
Called Devil's Ride.
More motorcycle ass can hold a couple people or a couple individuals.
And they are slowing down as they are proceeding to Smiler.
Who you hear is just waving.
Hey everybody just come on over.
I just got something to tell you.
Come on just come in close.
So as they are slowing and the engines are still revving quite heavily.
You see a couple red caps hop off the two.
Two of the motorcycles are making their way over to Smiler.
What if some of you try to sneak around the back of the machine?
And I can try to take these red caps out with my arrows.
Anyone else have a bow?
I was thinking I could just like look through the machine and see how many are in there.
Fuck yeah do that Lipsinki.
So I'm going to use my ghostly gaze.
I can see through solid objects with a dark vision.
I just want to see how many folks are inside that machine that were.
Just so we know what we're dealing with.
That is such a great idea.
Okay you're looking inside the large one.
On the outside there are three red caps piloting the smaller ones.
On the back there are these they look very similar to the red caps.
But it's like their cap has like melted to their face.
And their eyes are just always open and they have these jagged teeth.
And they're like spinning and twirling this sharp side blade in their hand.
They're spinning and twirling their on fire batons as if they are pretty cool.
And there's one who's like playing the devil sticks as he's doing his thing.
Exactly you look through the war machine.
Which is a really cool thing that I didn't know you could do.
But now you're doing it it's amazing.
Piloting one of those is another red cap.
There are three other of the of the like the weird looking red cappy type folks.
And then inside like crammed into it is this.
Make a roll.
Just dinner.
Cinnamon.
What are you looking for?
Probably like either history or I guess nature would be relevant to you.
Because you spent a lot of time in really gross and yucky places.
So nature is a skewed kind of perspective to you.
I mean they're both plus two so whatev twenty.
You look inside and you see what you could describe as a flesh golem creature.
It is a large creature.
It takes it's like hunched over inside the back of this vehicle.
It's stitched together of different body parts from devils and demons.
And like there's these weird tentacles that kind of come off one side of it.
It's got like this droops like beaten up kind of face to it.
And it's rocking back and forth inside this large machine.
Can we get a total?
So 11 total.
That's not eight.
Well he said there'd be eight in the big one.
It's true.
So really there's five in the big one.
Yeah I was going to say there's only five in the big one.
So really we're fine.
We'll be fine.
But there's now two there.
He's flagged two down.
Well there's one big machine.
Yeah.
There are three motorcycle machines.
Oh I getcha.
Plus I thought sorry I thought they were on like the outside of the machine.
Kind of like on the.
No so there are four vehicles.
Four potential stealing machines.
Machines to be stolen other than Smilers.
Gotcha.
Guys I've got good news and bad news.
Which do you want?
Okay so the good news.
I'm just going to.
Okay so the good news there's only five inside there.
That's positive.
So that is good news.
That's good news.
I mean the bad news is that one of them is like a flesh golem.
So it's basically the most disgusting thing you've probably ever seen.
I mean maybe not you Grancis because I know you saw some shit down in the.
I've been a flesh golem once.
Yeah it's kind of piecing.
It's gross and I am going to warn you it probably smells very bad.
Yeah like eggs and watermelon.
Well I mean.
Anyway.
Out of everything it could smell bad those are two foods.
I'm just saying okay.
Combined wait I don't want to know why am I asking.
No let's stay focused people.
But I still love your plan like you like we should sneak up and then.
What are the points of egress into this machine Russ?
I'm picturing a tank but you have not said that.
No I haven't said that.
It's like a tank.
So there is one on top there appears.
You haven't really gone around the back.
Maybe you have.
You would be able to see straight through.
It's all good.
There appears to be an entrance not directly out the back because that's where the
swinging ball is but like often to the side near the back there is a larger door.
So there's one door at the very back and then one from the top.
Well whatever my plan is I know that I can offer a little bit of help.
So I'm going to cast I'm going to go ahead and get us set up with bless.
At a how many people I need to bless right now.
Six six players.
I'm just picturing like you get a bless you get a bless you get a bless.
That's exactly it you nailed it.
Yeah there's six player characters plus Donnie.
All right so let me do.
Fifth level that should get me everybody in our group now has bless.
What does that do?
It's real good.
Whenever you make an attack or a saving throw before the spell ends which is a minute long
you can add a d4 to the rolled attack or saving throw.
Nice yes.
All right I've got ranged attacks I can stay here take care of some a-holes on the outside
if some heavy hitters want to go in and you know I mean they're kind of trapped in there right.
What if you threw fire in there?
We could do that.
Just saying get creative with it.
Oh I've got an idea I've got this fun little thing I can at least
eliminate one of their points of egress so if there's a door I've got this nifty little
rod and I pull out an immovable rod click it stays in space just like we just put that
in front of it then they have only one way to go out.
I like it let's do that.
I'm not sneaky as we found out earlier would somebody be more would somebody want to.
I can do this it's a press here or press.
Yeah just click the end of it and leave it where you want it click the end and then
let go.
And they cannot pass through?
Well it's immovable so nothing's nothing's moving it unless you again.
Wait does the door swing in or out?
It is magic right?
I do not generally like magic but this this is what.
I don't know Francis.
It's valid because if it swings in and you put a bar in front of it then they're just going to.
I know but then they cannot pass through where this is.
Yes it creates a door that is not there.
Has there ever been a vehicle where the door swings in that isn't a hatch at the top?
It's quite a small area in there they're pretty jammed in so if it pulled in it'd be I mean I
don't know the design standards here or what sort but it.
Look I'm just trying to I'm just trying to just solve for problems that don't exist.
Better yet instead of instead of putting it in front of the door
we could put it behind one or in front of one of their wheels and then they won't be
able to drive off if they get the urge to do so.
Oh that's a good idea too.
Now that's that's how you rose through the ranks.
That's why you became my mentor and best friend because you're so smart.
I am sorry I was looking at this fun thing where do you want me to place it?
On on the door.
No we're changing that put it put it in front of one of their wheels so if they
try to move forward they won't be able to now if they move back that's a different story but.
Maybe it's not equipped with a reverse function you're always moving forward in hell.
And then you'll do U-turns.
Yeah yeah constant U-turns left turns when it's least convenient for anybody else.
Okay we'll do this now.
Okay.
And Night Hunter sneaks off to go around because obviously you can't just beeline it for the
front there are other.
There are other entities and creatures uh observing the front.
Yeah so they're gonna just try to be super sneaky.
Okay so Night Hunter.
Sneaking around.
Roll me a sneak check a stealth check.
Oh fuck me.
Uh but then I can add uh oh hold on hold on.
You can add a bless thing.
I can add a bless thing.
Which is plus D4.
All right that was that's a 12.
A 12 is not that bad it's hell there's a lot of things happening in hell.
I suppose these machines are like.
Oh yeah they they scream with the power of soul uh.
Oh well fantastic then under the cover of soul screams I fly.
You're sneaking around to one of the rear wheels presumably.
Yeah I'm not gonna put it.
Oh here we go I'm not actually gonna place it in front of their front tires.
I'm going to place it in front of one of their back tires.
That way if they try to go forward they can't and if they try to reverse they can't.
Yeah because it's stuck between the wheels.
Thinking thinking all right uh so Night Hunter's there.
Where do does everybody else want to be?
As far as using like clock directions which one has the easiest uh ingress?
Like getting there quick it's like three o'clock nine o'clock.
They're all at 12 o'clock because we're back in a bush.
So are you looking for which door to run to?
Yeah that's what I thought.
No just to run up to that in general.
Let's say eight o'clock.
Everybody give me a little like action montage description of you getting into position.
Uh okay so Night Hunter you're gonna go place the uh the immovable rod uh the rear tires
so that if they back up move forward.
Exactly.
Okay uh Vorunax and Lipsinkie where are you gonna be?
Sneaking up to the left hand side uh I look back at Lipsinkie.
Not sure exactly because we haven't gotten too many chances to work with each other yet.
But uh I just start moving because I'm used to and then I look back at Lipsinkie like.
Yeah and big thumbs up and I think what Lipsinkie's gonna do is use sharpie
because I never I haven't used sharpie in a long time but sharpie can actually be used
like essentially as a grappling hook from the bracer so I'm gonna do that so that I can um get
up onto the top because I do want to open that hatch and do something down into them.
That seems like okay you know they're kind of trapped in there.
Let's like put you just down on top then yeah.
So so that's my plan is just like grapple my way up there.
Step one she hasn't figured out what step two is yet but.
Yeah well it will present itself to her.
Exactly love it uh Thea and Flint from the side uh maybe a little game plan for each of
yourselves.
Uh well Thea I think has already given her spiel about like I'm gonna stay here.
And then Grantz starts to move like as Vorunax and Lipsinkie and then like start
to move toward the thing and she like straight up grabs him by the scruff of the
back of his collar neck and is like you sit down you stay here with me.
Oh okay uh yeah yeah I'll stay here.
Okay we're gonna try to.
Flint's gonna stay here too with us keep us company.
Well no.
Flint is gonna go hit people really hard.
All right you still do that do you?
Yes he does.
I mean I'm already down by the vehicle I don't I don't know.
Rest one in the scene before you go.
That's cool.
He's already gone.
He's already gone he's already left.
He didn't even talk to you Grantz is worried about you.
He didn't even say goodbye.
Okay we need what we need to do is we need to quietly try to take out some of these.
Why are you talking so loud?
I'm not.
You're.
My full plan is you see those two that are walking up to Smiler.
I want all this chaos to happen behind their backs so that they don't turn around.
Okay.
We're gonna kill.
Okay okay.
Okay sorry hell does weird things to your vocal cords it makes them really
clear and then they drift back out.
I don't like it quiet let's just not talk anymore.
As everybody gets into position and readies themselves as best they can
Smiler's kind of watching everything drawing the attention back towards himself from
the redcaps who are in front of him as the random noises are made so that hopefully
you make it to your position as smoothly as possible.
Um and then yes well and then she says to him she says now.
As she hears Smiler yell now she will let loose an eldritch blast so a beam of this time
red crackling energy streaks towards these creatures four beams crackle out from her
hands and as she aims for the four dudes on the cool motorcycles.
We're trying to disrupt them on the motorbikes.
Indeed.
All right awesome give me some rolls.
So that's five damage for the first four for the second three for the third
who wants to guess what the next one's gonna be oh it's a four.
Five four three two one this sucks and then that's right I remember that I've got multiple actions.
She is going to take her oath bow but she's not gonna whisper to it she's just gonna
use it as a bow that's possible right yeah yeah I don't have to you don't get the bonus
that it gives when you do the whisper but yeah you just use it as a bow right.
The bonus huh uh that's a 25 yeah absolutely six plus two okay and that one is going for
the one that is closest to the bushes okay so yeah one of the red caps who is talking
to Smiler at this time oh sure yes the above the bushes
which is for elders blast ring out and crackling energy through the air and knocks all of these
creatures off of the devil's ride that they're on they're blasted back and off a arrow zips
through the air towards one of them and impales in its shoulder lets out just this hideous
scream as it reaches for its scythe.
Am I able to like rip open one of these doors and hop in this tank sure yeah absolutely let's do it
okay you tear open the door it sticks a little bit it's a little awkward at first but then
then it rips open you gotta you gotta give it like an up and an open at the same time
and as you open it staring straight at you is this huge flesh golem as was described by
it's got these now that it looks it starts to slowly look up at you and opens its mouth
and like the jaw hangs loose and it's got these sharp teeth and like this tentacle begins
to move out towards you to try and grab on to you what do you do uh i am going to uh attack
that tentacle as it tries to come at me what are you hitting it with uh probably my battle
axe swings out how big is the interior of this if we were to go inside of it would our
like movements be impeded at all like flint's at the door yes but i'm just wondering if he
were to step inside would he have room to swing an axe uh yeah it's pretty roomy y'all
would i be better served to go like the long sword though probably yeah coming up and over
is gonna be an issue like you know a side swipe um would be would be more advantageous
because of this large creature in there it is slightly cramped but you would imagine that
that it's it's pretty spacious for normal sized individuals well we'll do uh moist tongue
long sword then been so long i know moist and
and i'll deal some damage with that bad boy so i have three attacks per action russ okay 38
yes how much of that's cold all of the 2d6 so 18 of it 30 is a 20 is not 20
my math is math is hard okay okay yeah 38 yeah 18 18 of it's cold the cold begins to crystallize
the skin but it doesn't not in the same way that you were used to you are now blocking the
door essentially unless you choose to move uh i'll probably like make sure i get one or two steps
into this thing flint steps in and to the side night hunter uh so you are i guess you are placing
the immovable rod that is your that is your mode in this one yes can i place it and then
sneak up the front of the yeah the machine okay i want to do that okay yeah you uh place the
immovable rod you push the button as described doesn't seem to be able to move you try and
give it a little shimmy uh i'm like fantastic technology has advertised uh and then you move
up to the front of the machine where you see three of these mad caps trying to like
climb back up to their feet um and then the red cap scrambling to get their weapons
in front of them Vorunax seeing as flint and lip sync he have the tank going down i am going
to run up to the the guy in the that's standing next to the left motorcycle left most motorcycle
yep i'm gonna run up drawing my uh my sword of vengeance and i'm going to
exclaim out in the name of good you will die today and i'm gonna give an attack
love it uh so yeah like everybody else we can just roll some damage for this one
all right so that is uh 11 slashing magical slashing damage and i'm going to burn a divine
smite okay and do 2d8 extra of radiant and damage nine radiant damage on top of that
oh 20 in total and is it a fiend it is a small fae fae okay i mean i didn't tell you
what it was it's not a fiend though yeah you take a huge chunk into it and because it's it's like
prone you as you get closer you see that the boots on it have this huge like hooked uh blade
on them um but you cut down into it and let's out a scry scry lets out a cry uh it looks
it's a scream cry and like a false limp uh you like you managed to like stab through the heart
of this thing uh and and shut this one down it's dead it's dead oh good then i'm going to
use the rest of my movement to move up to the middle one right behind the gray one and uh do
another attack awesome so that's going to be 13 magical slashing damage and 13 radiant damage
again because of its prone position and your ability to sneak up on it before it has a chance
to um guard itself uh you can kill this creature as you see murderously and another for you
in the name of good impale he's over there like doing good feels so good i'm enjoying this
fae is concerned just watching from the bushes like oh no yeah this is not this is not what
we had in mind but did you kill that other one too yeah he's killed too we go to lip sinky now
so when i lodged sharpie in there as a grappling hook i would like to submit that i can then pull
because there is a whole thing about using it for attacks to pull that lid off okay yeah and
once i do that luckily i noticed my friend uh flint go in there so i won't do the thing
that i was originally going to do but instead um i think i will just eldritch blast because that
does four beams which i'll do the extra one into big grosso does that make sense yeah big
grosso you know big grosso um so that is damn uh so two nines a four and a three damn the
interior of this this tank creates uh lights up with the the beams coming from your eldritch
blast uh flint they like zip by you and over your shoulders um and strike into this huge
creature in front of you who is like blown back into the side and the entire thing rocks
lip sinky make a dexterity saving throw please not great do i still have that
bless from before you still have a d4 for bless yep no that's good for a minute so that's
gonna put me at a 12 your foot slips and you fall off the side and down towards one of these
razor sharp blades okay i'm still holding no i'm not that's a lie i was gonna say i'm still
holding on to sharpie but sharpie threw a lid off so sharpie is no longer attached to the
machine damn it so you're gonna like land on your side and you're gonna it's gonna cut deep
into you and you're gonna take eight slashing damage landing on this tire
right it's not tire this razor blade hey Grancis see it's been a while what what should i do
uh you should hit them with a spell but not like one of your awesome spells that you like
save those for orcas but like hit them with like a like a mediocre spell oh do we think
we're gonna fight orcas like next i don't i don't know what if there's no time to
rest in between now and then well yeah i know i get it i haven't had a time to to to rest
in quite a while uh what about call lightning does that seem like it would be pretty cool
i mean yeah sure maybe okay cool a storm cloud begins to appear uh as he is oh that's a
that's a duration i was like oh shit casting time 10 minutes god damn was this feinstein
but no it's casting time what is the point one action duration 10 minutes a storm cloud appears
above the machine uh in the shape of a cylinder 10 feet tall 60 foot radius centered on the
point i could see uh when cast i choose a point i can see in the cloud a bolt of
lighting flashes down to the cloud each creature within five feet at that point must
make a dexterity saving throw uh hey maybe instead of over top of that go over top of
the guys on the motorcycles oh yeah that's probably a really good idea just to the left
a little bit oh but pharax is there oh fuck it he'll be okay yeah he'll probably position
it above the two that are near a smiler yeah fuck it they're gonna take it three d10
you're a little 3d10 yeah you want me to roll that sure three eight five uh 16 uh the two
that are near a smiler the two red caps uh are finally back up to their feet and they
hold up their size and it connects with this lightning blast that like riddles down through
their body and you can see their skeleton like's fixing in and out um and it stops
and there's smoke coming up from their the top of their heads and they just fall over
see like riding a bike oh i felt good felt good no now we got this cool storm action
okay we're back up to the top uh smiler's gonna have a turn uh he's going to hop on his vehicle
um and it appears that he is driving away
really nice to see you have fun in your vehicles and he tears off
you hey everybody it's me your dungeon master Russ More i i've just recorded several of
these middles and i keep getting a little retrospective and sappy in them so i
i don't know if that's what we need for this episode it's grand theft war machine
and we're very excited because a couple things you may have noticed some release schedules are
off if you're all cut up you're like hey hey russ i want to know what happens next and we
want to tell you uh world's busy got to make sure that we uh take care of ourselves uh and
we're putting out content as fast as we can but no in the background we are still recording every
tuesday like we do uh and we are working towards some pretty big events that i can't tell you
about but it's very exciting big things are happening things that i didn't expect which is
the case for most of Dumbgeons and Dragons which is why it takes us so long to get places but
we have so much fun and we've got so much coming your way and we want to share it with you i just
can't put them out fast enough so don't worry we are working ahead and planning and making
sure that this is the biggest most epic thing that we're working towards that we've ever done
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is there anyone still alive there are two on the outside that are still alive a red cap
and a mad cap uh there is still the big grotesque thing as well as uh what did i say three mad
caps inside and a red cap yeah uh so four more creature five more creatures inside the vehicle
that are still alive inside the big vehicle uh thea we're back to you all right um thea
is going to eldritch blast the two on the outside twice so they're each going to get two
beams awesome uh my first one is a 19 that will hit second one's a 19 okay third one's 15
got a d4 on bless 15 hits yep oh dear and the next one is an 11 and i'm gonna use that d4
come on what is it oh shoot i think it's 13 13 does not hit ah okay so uh three two two to the
one in the middle and one to the other one on the side more elf blast fires across the
landscape uh two right in front of you Vorunax at the one that you the one that's in front
of the one that you just murdered 11 damage and as they are standing back to their feet
are blasted back again knocked to the ground in varnus you hear them specifically they're like
ah son of bitch god damn it i'm gonna get them uh they don't appear to be dead yet they are like
there's they're being too sassy for you scorch and and burn marks all over their all over
their flesh weirdly it's all thea's name in cursive that's that's right yeah it's a brand
yeah uh the red cap's turn he's going to stand up which is going to take half of its movement which
is only 25 so it's going to take 12 but then uh look around and charge towards you Vorunax
for cool red cap has a multi-attack three attacks with its wicked sickle bring it wicked
sickle uh move a speed yeah like a sticky wicked uh exactly wicked yeah uh first attack uh 10
no second attack 25 that will hit yeah third attack 19 that does not hit okay uh so that's
going to be nine slashing damage from the one that hits you and it comes up it's just like
flailing its sickle and the second one cuts into your arm where there's a little uh clearance
in your armor all right uh let's react with a little hellish rebuke oh that one was on my
list wasn't it it was okay cool beans what happens i he hellishly rebuke yeah yeah i mean
it's pretty self-explanatory i'm just doing it at first level uh okay cast uh hellish rebuke
uh and uh tell me what normally happens uh well the creature must make a dexterity
saving throw if it takes 2d10 fire damage on a failed or half as much on a success dex
save plus a one that's a 15 uh that does not beat my dc of uh of 20 of 1 million ah i was so
close okay dang it so he's gonna take some damage which still happens that'd be 15 fire
damage in total and can you roll me a d6 please i certainly can that's a five okay uh you cast
hellish rebuke flames are burning up all around him uh he he's screaming out in pain and drops
dead but in the remnants of the flame uh five imps pop out of the flames look around and uh
move to charge towards you sweet i'm gonna roll them into initiative they go never ending combat
never ending combat oh god don't do that again yeah that's more of a Patreon game thing russ
stop stealing my thing i will not uh they're gonna go next actually cool so five imps coming
towards you they attack with stings bites in beast form no it's gonna be a sting here we go
let's see if i can beat your ac with one that's a 10 223 oh yes another 10 oh nat 20
which makes 25 and a 9 so that's two uh so the first one you get five piercing damage
please make a constitution saving throw i think you can probably beat it without even rolling
if i remember correctly well i mean i got a nine so you tell me oh you didn't yeah uh so
you also take 10 poison damage uh i'm immune oh wait no i have a resistance against poison
so there'd be only five all right so you're gonna take five poison damage and then you're
gonna take double on the next one so you're gonna take another 10 piercing damage and
another constitution saving throw okay oh 25 that one succeeds uh so you're only gonna take
half so you're gonna take another point 10 poison damage half you're gonna take another
five okay the mad caps inside flint charge towards you there are three of them they're
the ones that look like they the hats have melted into their face i would probably also
be angry if that was my lot they don't look happy i mean you are covered with scabs so
your life is not great either at the moment forgot about that so they each have three
swings with their wicked sickles so i'm gonna roll 320 so that's uh plus so 13 14 14 for
the first one nothing no no one no boy uh 12 13 14 for the second one wow you're rolling my
uh 18 25 11 18 does not hit so the 25 so just one so you're gonna take nine slashing damage like
all of these these three creatures and they're they're small so they're like two or three feet
coming at you just swinging their sickles as quickly as they can towards you uh only one
of them manages to catch skin which catches like an exceptionally scabby part and it just
it really just feels extra bad like it's not a huge amount of damage but yeah just like begins
to positive i hate it yeah it's because it's hell uh okay flint uh well yeah let's uh let's
turn that back around let's turn the beat around uh and we'll uh we'll just we'll attack
all those weird red cap face boys awesome uh so you have three of them in front of you
name them one two and three all right well let's uh let's attack them in that order
all right roll all my d20s uh that's a 24 yep that's the exact same all right
and then that is a 17 uh all of those will hit nine for number one 11 for number two
uh and 12 for number three yeah you hit them and then blood is like
well not even blood is like this black blackish red
ichor that's flowing down onto the floor of this uh of the machine um they are they're
knocked down they are all three are prone um they are writhing on the floor uh in front
of you you're in the machine uh anything else you can or would like to do i mean i guess i
could use my second attack action oh right you got a second attack yeah i sure do uh so yeah
there's three writhing on the ground not looking too uh much of a concern and then the
big big boy uh well okay well they're all out of the way i'll go back to focusing on
sorry also one in the driver's seat now but he isn't driving anywhere like we are still stationary
you are still stationary yeah okay then i will leave him for the time being okay all right
uh so to hit the big guy first one was a 21 second is a 17 third is a 12 it's about as
bad as it gets all of those will hit okay he's not a hyper mobile big fleshy blob of grossness
perfect uh 13 on the first one 12 on the second and nine on the third so 34
wowsers yeah carving into this creature before you you don't kill them but describe the scene
as it's playing out as you are in like this essentially shoe box with all of these monsters
and creatures that you're you're carving up yeah it's kind of a like you know if you've ever
been for like benihana it's kind of like that there's a lot of like a lot of sword
tricks a lot of form i got going on here dicing into little bits flipping things up
you know catching body parts under your hat then revealing it in the pocket all that
stuff it's all good awesome uh night hunter your turn okay so night hunter has moved to the front
there how many are still alive like one next no that one's dead too that one's dead too
okay well then night hunter is going to uh crawl or climb up the side of the big vehicle
i didn't see what the party is going on so you as you're climbing up you see lip synci
who's fallen onto one of these blades oh i want to help her i reach down and i like pull her off
a blade are you a real small friend oh i mean i've been better but really i just want to get
in there oh i can give you lift thank you i throw her up
do you uh climb up after too as well yes uh so yeah you throw lip synci up lip synci do you
want to land inside the machine like do a tuck somersault or sure i mean i guess there is an
open hole at the top where i pulled the lid off so yeah let's just hope there's no
spinning blade right where i land i guess i know there's not because i looked through
the machine so fly up into the air and land down inside the machine and flint is just like
tearing up everything inside uh night hunter you climb up and follow behind you are able to
get inside as well uh i turn around and see the driver uh yeah you would be able to see the
driver yeah all right i want to attack the driver with my uh with corpse grinder he turns
around and like just like catches your eye as you swing as your as he sees your axe swinging
down on top of them uh 26 yes oh my god max damage yes that's what's up 19 yeah yeah uh
straight hit to like i mean there's really only one place to hit him based on how the
the cockpit's built you're gonna hit him in the face uh so your axe cleaves down into his
head um and like into the backs of the seat that he's sitting in and like sticks back out
like almost like swings back down towards you yeah it's pretty gross but i mean amy says
ew night hunter has an enormous smile on their face uh and they turn around and am i now faced
with the back of this gross big blob monster yeah there's like a weird dance happening around
so like lip sync is kind of between the two of you but flint is like mushed to the side
like just like stabbing into it i want to like soccer mom arm lip sinkie to the side as i swing
corpse grinder down um onto the back of this um flesh golem awesome oh no uh 19 i don't know
why i said oh no for that and oh my god max damage again oh my god 19 a hideous demonic
like whale echoes out in this space your axe is lodged deep within the flesh of this golem
Vorunax so i got all these imps around me yes and uh i just look around and i look at them and say
today you will fall to the will of ordinary people doing good things and i'm gonna cast
thunder step uh and i'm gonna teleport myself to the top of the tank and they need to make
a constitution saving throw dc 20 or take 3d 10 thunder damage i mean i'm gonna give them all
a try on a failed and half on that success yeah no they all failed uh one of them extra miserably
with a nat one fantastic let's see that is 12 thunder damage uh in total and that thunder
can be heard up to 300 feet away it echoes out across the plains and they all like explode
as soon as it hits them and this fiery gory mess all five of them are dead as you land back
up on top of the uh the machine i can kind of gauge the situation that's going on inside
yeah cool okay so uh the last thing left is this big thing um just just one big thing left
i think i think this has it even never gotten a turn once i think yeah once uh not not even
so let's give it a turn just see what it just can see what it can do i wasn't what i was no
yeah that's a good idea uh is more of a haha yeah i mean it's just a big i'm a big girls monster
punchy guy so uh it's gonna make just two slam attacks at flint uh it doesn't uh i think
the highest one was a 15 there yeah that won't do it yeah so it's just trying to like
get position in this place but all of you uh at this point like how i picture this scene
kind of playing out is like Vorunax climbs in and shuts the door behind him and there's just
it's rocks back and forth until there's just like a splat across all the windows
yeah and grants us are just watching from the outside yeah just being like i wouldn't want to be
that thing no yeah they should have built the doors a little bit bigger maybe it could have
gotten out god do you think oh it's gonna be everywhere yeah no it's gotten into everything
like everybody's everybody's gonna have to have that's gonna need some they probably don't they
probably don't have baths down here this is not good do you think there's like a squeegee or
something can't even see if those windows anymore lip sync is a big hand that wipes across the
front and i picture lip sync he like just giving a big wave from inside as everybody
climbs into the machine and like rolls out as much of the gross that's in there out the side
door as it hits the ground uh and the door is shut closed we see everybody go up to the the
helm the cockpit of this machine and look around does anybody know how to start it
uh i search a nearby body of one of the uh red caps see if i can find a coin and i i looked
under like the visor like they always do in movies and thea hops out and grabs the movable
rod good call uh a movable rod moved bodies looted uh you find a total of seven soul
coins from various uh creatures and positions uh hidden within did you want to do something
with those soul coins or you just you were just looking to find yeah i'll start looking
around with uh flint at the front and see if there's anything i can do with these uh bad
they resonate in your hand and there's there's this this painful ring that kind of hits your
ears as you as you see them um flint you see a a coin slot on the dashboard that looks
like it's the perfect size for one of these soul coins give it a shot i flip flint a coin
coins flipped flint slides it in and the engine roars to life as it screams out across
the landscape russ begins to roll towards the watchtowers of the river sticks
Dumbgeons and Dragons season two episode 137 starring Amy More as thea and night hunter
carla max dead as lip sync he tom laird as flint with kyle Claset as Vorunax and Russ More
as your dungeon master dialogue editing by carla max dead and sound design by Russ More
this episode featured music from epidemic sound and art list and sound effects from
epidemic sound boom library and sound ideas and a huge thank you to our supporting producers
gabriel lynch jessica babich cat water flame jacob madden christian brown craig zeiss erin
stevens perry matey kayla littlejohn la branton old school gamer d nathaniel teeter destiny
garcia and ryan car join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and receive hundreds
literal hundreds of hours of bonus content hangouts with the cast and a whole lot more
you have a great week we'll talk to you soon uh you've just you've just
what's the word i'm looking for just hurled yourself down the brambly bony hell yeah all
right what what fucking level am i 18 okay cool i sorry i can't remember dungeons and
dragons is a dumb dragons production